Suggestions for Engaged Couples

When two people have come to know that they sincerely love each other and that as a result of this permanent and tested love they plan to marry, certainly they would not act as if they were strangers nor as if they were casual friends. I believe that honor­able and earnest Christian people, when engaged, would naturally expect some caressing in most cases, but this need not always be so. Under proper conventional safeguards, I believe good people would usually not begrudge engaged lovers their holding hands and an honest good-night kiss. Yet some of the happiest couples I have known never even kissed each other until after marriage. But engaged couples need to hold themselves to strict account. They are not married, and they ought not to act like married people. They have need to observe certain decencies and certain restraints in their love-making. Those who truly love one another can wait for a little while to enjoy each other fully after marriage.

When engaged couples fondle each other overmuch, the stimu­lation of sex desire may make them very unhappy. It is foolish to arouse, strongly, desires which we have no right to satisfy. On the other hand, engaged couples who tempt themselves may fall into the great sin of adultery. Though they are engaged, yet the adultery is a great sin and sometimes has heart-breaking results.

A young man sadly told me of the breaking of all his plans for the future. He loved a beautiful girl, and she loved him. But in their freedom each with the other their aroused bodily passions overcame them. Not waiting for marriage, they abused their love in the scarlet sin. And then love died. He told me that each of them was so shamed and heartsick and so lost respect for each other that their love altogether disappeared and marriage was impossible. So, young people, if you want happy marriages, then while you are engaged be moderate and decent. See that no critic can ever hint later that you were impure before marriage. See that there is such reverence, each for the other's body, that mar­riage will be all the sweeter because of your present loving restraint. See that your love-making be so modest that it does not unduly arouse passions, but only expresses affection in a way that would not grieve the blessed Holy Spirit of God, and in a way that you will never have cause to regret, and in a way of which you will never have cause to be ashamed.

If by petting and too much intimacy engaged couples are led into the scarlet sin, even if they go on and marry, it will probably be the cause of constant grief. The husband when angry may accuse the wife of having been impure before marriage. And both may feel that the other was so weak in character that he or she may have likewise sinned with others, or would have done so if strongly tempted. The only way to the best happiness in marriage is in continence and honorable self-control and decent love before marriage.

We have written plainly and at some length on this subject of petting, believing that millions of young people who sin and are tempted to commit the scarlet sin after the customary petting might be saved heartbreak and much trouble and sin if they were lovingly and intelligently warned.