29, Jul, 2010

Chaperones

Now was the heyday of the chaperon, that much misunderstood functionary. Curiously, English etiquette books had little to say about her, whereas American writers on manners said a great deal. The chaperon might be the girl's mother, aunt or sister, or she might be a paid companion (like Dickens's Mrs General) drawn from a good middle-class background; an officer's widow, perhaps. Her duty was to preside in the parlour when a potential suitor called, to accompany her young charge to balls, parties, dinners, routs, races and especially theatres. At all times she had to study the characters and manners of the young men who hovered round her protegee, to try to divine their intentions and to check on their backgrounds (and fortunes). It could be a full-time job. For a young girl, not too confident in herself, there were positive advantages in being chaperoned. She had her path smoothed for her by the older woman, who introduced her to likely young men and set the stage, if need be, for a proposal. It will be remembered how Becky Sharp, in the gardens of S Vauxhall, tried vainly to bring her East India Collector to say |the requisite words:

All she wanted was the proposal, and ah! how Rebecca now felt the want of a mother!-a dear, tender mother, who would have managed the business in ten minutes, and, in the course of a little delicate, confidential conversation, would have extracted the interesting avowal from the bashful lips of the young man!

At a ball, if any young man proved over-attentive, a girl could shake him off by making the excuse that she must return to her chaperon; there was no reason why she should have to put up with undesirable company. Equally the presence of a chaperon was a blessing to a young man who found his partner dull. Instead of having her on his hands all evening, he was at perfect liberty to walk her once round the floor after the dance and then hand her back to her chaperon, pleading another engagement. If the two clearly relished each other's company, the chaperon-so long as she approved of the young man-would give them ample opportunities to consort.

There were, of course, tyrannous chaperons, who usurped the right to open their protegees' letters; conscienceless chaperons, who did not mind what their girls did and spent their time gossiping at the buffet; snobbish chaperons, who saw to it that their girls did not waste too much time on curates and subalterns; flirtatious chaperons, who set their charges a bad example; and tipsy chaperons, who set a worse one. But most of them were sensible women, neither duennas nor dupes, whose presence kept the manners of the young generation at a higher level than might otherwise have been attained.