Staying Positive

Dating or developing a personal "relationship" is not easy at all - to many of us, it is scary and intimidating. Even if we are strong, determined, and successful in our work and daily lives when it comes to emotions or relationships most women find themselves against an insurmountable wall.

Meeting people on a personal level is scary and to take that further is terrifying. Instinctively, we don our protective and impenetrable armor.

To move ahead we must ask ourselves:

· How would a man or another woman perceive me?

· What are my positive and negative points? Do I have any shortcomings?

· Do I need to improve or tackle certain issues?

· Do I come on too strong and dominant?

· What are my goals as far as romance is concerned?

· Am I a fulfilled person?

· Do I only want corporate success or personal success too?

Once you jot down the answers to the above you will be able to evaluate yourself and take steps to make changes/ improvements.

Each one of us must learn to weave our own magic.

· Determine your self-esteem -whether it is high or low. According to experts low self-esteem is created by fears of rejection and inadequacies. One must try and overcome this-be positive and set a few "joyful" goals.

· Have a make over, take singing lessons, and buy a gold fish, bird, cat or dog. Adopt methods that bring joy and harmony into your life. Don't dwell on misery-misery is like a plague it grows on sympathy and moroseness. Never let negativity grow and spread like the plague.

· Spend time with friends who will not sympathize and make matters worse-spend time with friends who will show you the way to overcome your problems and put you on the path to successful dating.

· List clearly what you think your limitations are-shyness, inhibitions, introvert, feeling inadequate, berating your own looks and so on. Change what you can like a wardrobe and accept what cannot change like a hooked nose.

· Decide enough is enough-I am beautiful on the inside and out and there is someone out there who will appreciate me for what I am.

· Devise methods to build up your confidence and self-esteem---decide on what you want from life and go right ahead and achieve it.

· Learn to be happy-accept what went wrong and work towards making sure it does not happen again. Make goals that put you on the path to success---

o See the "bright" side of everything.

o Respect yourself -trust in your abilities, potential, and looks.

o Realize what your strengths are and make use of them. If you are boisterous then try not to project a sulky or sophisticated image.

o Accept your limitations -life will become easier if you learn to accept and make do with things as they are.

o Never go by what others say-only do what you are convinced about. In the end you must be happy with your decision and not do something because it is the fashionable thing to do.

One can be much happier if:

· One is not dependant on others---a level of independent thought as well as action goes a long way.

· Cultivate interests that absorb you totally-do not choose a hobby because it is popular. If cooking is not "your cup of tea" do not join cooking classes take up bicycling /pot making/ theater /or trekking.

· All goals that you set in the field of dating must be your own and not what your friend desires or a dating advice suggests.

· Be honest with yourself and list down what kind of man you seek.

· Shyness plagues most of us except sales people-it is not an affliction to be afraid about. If one is shy and inhibited one will land up being lonely and left out-so be determined to overcome shyness. Decide mentally, I am going to smile in a friendly manner and talk about-music, weather, books, learn how to participate in a conversation by throwing in a comment or nodding your head in agreement or disagreement.

· If a group of colleagues/ friends are planning a trip and you want to go -say so. One does not always have to wait for an invitation -you could say "do you have room for me! Or ask may I tag along?" Very often people who are shy are mistaken as being snobbish - and that is difficult to overcome.

· Not all of us are style divas or Marilyn Monroe -yet the beauty within can glow giving radiance to the whole personality. Don't aim to be something you are not. Remember, not all gentlemen prefer blonds there are many who do treasure other kinds of women.

· Highlight your best features and only use the kind of make up you are comfortable with---it is not essential to go with "colors or look of the season." What you wear must enhance your features not give a loud out of place appearance.

The single most important thing is to be yourself--- do not adopt behaviors that are foreign to you. Be as open and honest as you can-remember your aim is not to date and part ways but to form a successful lasting relationship. Many men appreciate honesty and openness.

Attributes that lead to a good first and lasting impression are: warmth, sense of humor, imagination, confidence, personal success, fitness, individuality, body language, conversational ability, aspirations, power, creativity, and kindness,

On the other hand, a sure fire "turn off" is:

* Being self-centered.
* Being closed minded and judgmental.
* Being manner less.
* Being a bad conversationalist.
* Having a negative attitude.
* Having no education.
* Being indecisive and a ditherer.
* Lacking integrity and honesty with oneself as well as others.
* Being obsessed with past relationships.
* Clinging to memories, being a whiner, having a shallow attitude.
* Being involved in manipulations and power games.
* Being dishonest in dealing with the world around you.
* Having a care-a-damn attitude and materialism.

Remember, life does not have to be dreary or come to a standstill because you are single.

The modern age brings with it its own difficulties---many of us single women are busy with careers, and many a time, social life takes a back seat. Technology may be wonderful but where social structure is concerned, it serves to make people-women and men-solitary beings.

Be it computers, cell phones, voice mail, or i-pods--- what happens in the name of faster communications is isolation. One has to make a conscious decision to set aside ambitions and technology and make time for relationships.

Practice meditation and relaxation techniques. These are sure-fire ways to keep calm, the mind free of clutter, and the soul happy. Keep an open mind and be patient. Romance does not happen in a split second; even if you did begin online dating ten weeks ago there is no need to get depressed that you have not met Mr. Right yet.

The trick is in reading profiles, sending out e-mails, responding to possible dates, and taking it from there. If things don't work at once give it some space. Do not let finding a man become your sole purpose. You should have other aims in life, live life to the fullest, and dating or meeting Mr. Ideal should be by the by.

Try all kinds of things -- going out in groups, attending neighborhood functions, joining travel groups, volunteer organizations and more. You never know where Mr. Right will be!

Make friends with men -never view each one as "The man," if you do, you will be uncomfortable and uneasy. Just as you have other "girl" friends, men who are brothers or cousins, it is okay to have friends who are men.

One can say that it is "confidence" that makes or breaks a person. It molds the way a woman perceives life/situations, and it is what determines what action is to be taken.

What is confidence made of-it is trust. If you trust in yourself then, half the battle is won .To be confident, you need to be secure in your life, work, and environment. It is inadequacies that make a person insecure or lacking confidence.

If you are secure, then you will be able to:

· Laugh with others and at yourself.
· Be proud of who you are.
· Have a strong sense of self.
· Be emotionally stable.
· Not fear the future and what is holds.
· Never be intimidated.
· Be comfortable and at ease in any situation.

To date successfully, a woman needs to understand her confidence levels. Some things can be changed quickly while others will be done over time and with concerted effort. The crux is to try and not think-"what's the point-I am a failure anyway."

Start by:

· Making a list of your positive traits and negative traits. Ask a friend to check them through. Then begin to work out the kinks.

· Review how you look and dress-work on this aspect first as it is the easiest to change. Be comfortable with any changes you make-don't put streaks in your hair if they make you uncomfortable even if they are in fashion.

· Ensure you are in shape-a fitness regime does wonders for the mind and body.

· Make changes in routines that make you feel lousy--- if meeting X, Y, and Z makes you feel like a louse then stop meeting them. Weed out all relationships /actions that undermine your self-esteem/confidence.

· Decide-I am going to live life to the fullest. Take courage and do things you have always dreamt of -even if it's a candle business or pranic healing.

· Make priority one -yourself.

· Widen your horizons. Explore the world outside your immediate circle.

· Be selective about who you meet/cultivate. Avoid people who make fun of you or put you down constantly.

· Go out on dates - assuming the date is a friend you are going to meet. This way, there will be no underlying sexual tension.

· There must be more to life than love and dating - set a few life goals.

· Be confident enough to ask someone you like out- there is nothing wrong with that.

· Walk away instantly from anything that makes you sad /upset /or nervy

· The more the people you meet, the happier you will be.

There are a few key factors:

· State of mind.
· Physical appearance.
· Style.
· Listening skills.
· Volatility.
· Experience.
· Finance.

If you are aspiring to be a person who is 100% confident then you must incorporate, monitor, adapt, imbibe, and balance all the above characteristics. What forms the foundation is, of course, "a belief in yourself."

Where women are concerned, what is most essential is inner confidence-confident women are seen as being "sexy".

· Learn to be confident-believe in yourself and set aside insecurities.

· Speak with conviction and walk tall.

· Try not to be afraid of life-there are no monsters except in our own minds. If you have any doubts/ problems talk to someone-a family member, close friend, or counselor.

· Feel good inside and out-look and act confident. You will find that people respond to you quite differently. Stand tall have a wonderful posture even if you are just 4 feet tall -hold your head high with your shoulders straight, place your feet about a foot apart this will give you a well balanced stance.

· Maintain eye contact with people-if you look down or away it conveys insecurities.

· Exude happiness-a positive expression will do wonders as will a smile. Make your self-approachable instead of cold and distant.

· Work out nervous habits-they signal lack of confidence. Fidgeting with hands, nodding you head incessantly, twirling your hair, playing with the clasp of your bag, are all "No No" actions.

· Mentally jot down what you normally do while speaking to, or dinning with others of the opposite sex and, consciously work towards improving yourself or refining your attitudes.

· Never try and disappear into the woodwork-make a place for yourself in life.

· Speak out-try and participate in conversations/activities. This does not mean becoming greedy and holding center stage.

Most relationships that are successful generally have a confident, self-assured woman in it. It is important to realize, that a relationship is never going to fill a lacuna in you. It is up to you to have a busy schedule and many interests -one of which should be dating.

To be loved, one must first love oneself. Giving to a partner and receiving strengthens a relationship-it will make you feel needed and loved. If you feel your confidence being undermined or you begin to feel disrespect / lowly-then the relationship is not for you --walk away before it gets serious. Any relationship should be a two way street -not give give, give.

If you are just healing from a broken relationship then give your self-space and time-time is a great healer. Do not jump into another relationship-on the rebound it will never work. Sympathy should never be mistaken for love. Give yourself three months to a year before you get back into dating-it gives you time to "get over things."

· If you need something from a man ask for it ---men welcome confident requests. Never hint or beat about the bush.

· Show you care don't be inhibited-cuddle, hug, kiss, and more.

· It's okay to refuse a request that you are uncomfortable with-men will respect you for it.

· Try and set yourself new goals/challenges. Accomplishing challenges will keep fear and inadequacies at bay. Celebrate when you have achieved even a small goal -remember it's your victory however small.

The purpose of dating is to find someone we can live with in harmony and joy. It is about fulfillment in many ways-of the mind, body, as well as soul. And, dating is a means of gaining a realistic idea of Mr. Right.

The "magical key" is positivity --- it helps everyone conquer their fears and doubts. Surround yourself with happy contended people.

Misery multiplies quickly and is a dreadful disease. Avoid people who are gossips, miserable, and negative. Let both your mind and soul be free of shackles.

Happiness always stems from within and you will find that different people have different paths to tread. Accept life and all it has to offer with both hands. Remember, one can either be a part of the world, or hide away from it.

Join the moving stream of life take the "plus and minuses" in your stride -and you will succeed.

Reaching a personal goal will bring about a sense of fulfillment and confidence. Once you have conquered your inner self, help others to do so. A friendly world is a happy world.

Fear and insecurities are there throughout our lives -- they never go away but once we learn that they can be conquered, life becomes bearable and one can look forward to happiness. Music, singing, gardening, and so on work magic and dispel all negativity and introduce joyous happiness-practice one hobby that you like.

Today a person you meet may be a stranger but tomorrow, he/she will become a friend, loved one, and a partner for life.

Grab life and all it has to offer with both hands.

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