Letting Someone Down Gently

Although online dating is often an enjoyable and gratifying experience, there can be times when it leads to disappointment. Sometimes, when you finally come face to face with the person that you were attracted to online, you can find that they have qualities that you find unattractive.

You can spend a lot of time communicating with someone on the internet and over the phone.

As time goes on, your attraction to one another can grow deeper and the chemistry between you can grow stronger.

However, when you meet in person, for example, to go out for a meal, you may find that the chemistry is gone. The person that you are dining with may not seem like the person you have been emailing and speaking to on the phone for so long.

You may find discover while it was very easy to have conversations with this person online, when you are face to face with another, your conversation is strained.

Why would something like this happen? It could be because the other person has been lying in order to impress you. It could also be because things that we notice in real life often aren't mentioned online. For example, when you and your date are in a restaurant, you may discover that your date has bad table manners or is rude to the waiter.

Once you realize that things aren't working out the way you had hoped, and the attraction just isn't there, you need to let the other person know how you feel. You shouldn't lead them on, allowing them to think that the relationship is going to progress further.

Here are some tips to help you end the relationship without causing too many hurt feelings

1. Don't go on and on about why you aren't attracted to the other person, or why they didn't meet your expectations. Saying, "You aren't as good-looking as I thought you would be," or "I thought you would have a more pleasant personality", will only hurt the other person's feelings and make the breakup harder.
2. Let the other person know that you think it is important for both of you to find the perfect mate. Explain, in a sensitive, tactful way, that you don't feel that there is chemistry between you, and that you both need to find people with whom you share chemistry.
3. Be honest. Don't lie or make up silly excuses, like pretending that you have to leave town. Your date will see through your lies.
4. After you explain how you feel, give the other person a chance to say how they feel. If they have any questions, answer them honestly.
5. Try to empathize with your date. Think about how you would feel if you were in their place.
6. Make sure that you really do want to break up. Don't tell your date that things aren't working out unless you are certain that you mean it. If you change your mind right after you've broken up with the other person, you will just cause them to feel confused and possibly make them angry.

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